“I don’t know who I am

on

He felt…sick.

“What…wrong with you?”

The dog’s eyes went on watch him, its tail wagging.

“Where…can I go? And who…are you?”

The dog was silent and just kept on watching.

“I don’t understand.”

The dog kept on watching.

He started to get to his feet. He felt dizzy. The fire burned him too. But there was no-one to tell him to stay down.

“I think…I’m dying.”

For a second the dog stayed quiet and kept it’s stare on him. Not a growl, not the slightest quiver, but just it watched him while he fought to stay standing.

“I don’t think…I want to die.”

The dog stayed silent.

“Please…help…me.”

His head felt like it was going to pound itself apart. His hands itched. He couldn’t feel them at all. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t think.

“How come I don’t…know you?”

The dog let out a soft bark and the hair on its head stood up in panic.

“Well who the hell are you? And why…are you staring at me?”

“I…don’t know who I am.”

“Well what are your people called?”

“I…don’t…”

“What does your name mean?”

“My name…doesn’t mean anything.”

“It doesn’t?”

“It doesn’t.”

“Well why did you come here? A boy who doesn’t know who he is? A sick boy who doesn’t want to die? Who doesn’t believe he’s dying?”

“I’m…a boy.”

“I didn’t say a boy. I said a boy. A small boy. A sick small boy. Who wants to die, but is still trying to live.”

“I don’t…know.”

“A boy who isn’t a boy and a girl who isn’t a girl. Who can’t stand the pain.”

“I think I’m bleeding.”

“Then I guess it’s bleeding alright.”

His eyes opened suddenly. He felt them blinking. The world had shrunk down to just him…and the dog. He could see the dog clearly now. At first it was just a vague shape, but as he looked into its golden eyes it became more clear, it became…

…”a dog.”

He felt the dog moving near him. He stood up to it, but the weight of the dog’s body pressed him down. He tried to push it away, but his feet couldn’t move.

“What…the fuck…are you doing to me?”

He felt a hand on his shoulder. A hand that was gentle and soft and warm, but that was holding him down. He looked up at it, found it holding him with all its strength, and that strength was draining away. He felt it seeping out of his throat and into the dog. It looked like it was smiling, but he wished it was not.

“What…do I do?”

He looked around. All around. He looked down at his feet, they were in the doorway to his room. At his hands – they were all sticky.

“Hold me.”

The dog looked at it’s own hands, it looked down to its own hands, and it looked at his hands. It looked at each other.

“I think…I think the dog’s going to eat me…”

The dog watched him with it’s head cocked.

“Don’t…care about him and don’t care about me…care about him…”

The dog watched him like he could just be a dog, or at best a wild animal.

“That boy and girl…what do they call you? They…never call you by name?”

“No. They…wouldn’t know my name…if they called me by name.”

“I don’t suppose they knew you by name when you arrived.”

He looked at the dog and its eyes were still on him. Its tail was wagging.

“I wasn’t there…when you came.”

It took a long time for the dog to understand. The dog’s eyes didn’t follow the boy’s, but kept on watching its own master.

Eventually it’s mind did understand. He looked down at his hands, he looked at them, and they looked back. He looked down at his feet – and they looked back. He looked at the dog – and it was watching him with it’s eyes like a man waiting to be betrayed.

“I came…when the boy…who is me…he didn’t…know who I was. But he knew…who you were.”

The dog’s eyes closed. They went on watching him. But slowly its eyes focused on his boots. Two pairs. He started to get back up, then fell to his knees. He looked down at his hands – just at his hands. And then the dog saw them. They were staring back, watching it like a man who had lost everything but had been given the key to everything – they watched him watch himself. The key he was holding in one hand now, and in the other a knife.

He held the knife out to the dog. The dog looked at it, then at the knife, and then back at it. It looked up at him. It looked into his eyes. And then it turned and he was alone in the dark.

He stood up. There was no-one there. No-one at all. He turned back into the hallway. He walked through the rooms. But…there was-no-one there. Someone had been in there, but he, he had seen him go. He saw the door, and then he saw the wall and the door through the wall. He saw himself on the other side, and then he saw the room he had left. It was the same room. He didn’t know why, but he knew.

He stood in the doorway. The room was dark, but he could see the bed, the chairs, the table, the red-braided rug, and the toy dog. But he could not see the toy dog. He walked into the room. He crossed to the bed. He turned to look at the dog. Its eyes were closed in the darkness of the room, and it was just staring at him.

He turned back to the table, then back to the table. Nothing.

He walked through the room. He saw the wall that he just came out of – he had walked through it. He walked on, he did not want, he did not know where he was going, but he went. He saw the table and he saw the dog. He looked down at the dog and he stared back at the table, then back at the table again. He looked down at the dog and he stared back at the table, then back at the door…then he looked back at the dog.

Share this
Tags

Must-read

Tommy’s mission was to escape from the waking world

He needed to figure out a way to get back to his own body, so that he could complete his mission without having to go through the motions of a waking life. There was...

Beth stood atop the headland, watching the waves crash gently onto the ocean, feeling suddenly as if she was being pulled away from herself,...

Yet as she gazed out into an ocean that seemed to beckon as an unknown singer sang a song of longing, Beth felt suddenly as if she had been the one to place the...

The green eyes looked at Danielle, and then at the knight

“Sorry,” Danielle said, as she saw the last of the needles float out of sight, and the wall in front of the knight collapsed. She looked back down at the green eyes. “Is it...

Recent articles

More like this