‘Camping’, I didn’t even know what it was. I was confused,
my Dad had never told me about this, I hadn’t even been in the country in seven
years. “Mim is a camp for girls to get together and talk without other
girl’s voices around us”. I was worried and my Mum asked me to stop making
fun of her ‘camping’ stories, but I was still scared. I just thought about
what a camp was and how Mimi was probably going to make me sleep in our tent
while her boyfriend/husband was sleeping inside. “Mim and her boyfriend are
going camping, with you for company”.
I didn’t even know what that would be like, and I wasn’t
even going to be there for a whole week. “That is a bit much, I think I’ll
just stay at home and stay out of trouble. What if something bad happens to
you while you’re away? What if, I’ll be bored, you’ll be bored, both of you
like me a little bit and you’ll get into all sorts of trouble”.
Mimi and I were the last ones standing when school started, so from
school we had a really easy time. We hung out in the changing room and I
always had a friend, when we started to get the hang of it. But, when the
day started to get tough with not being able to sit in one place, we just
had to make new friends, or have them invited to our tent. So, we did a lot
of talking, but not really in a way that we would be able to use. We talked
about our hopes for the day, our fears and everything that seemed weird to
us. So, that’s what I did, I had a bit of a conversation with Mum about
what was the best thing for me to do, to find true friendship and happiness
that could last a lifetime. Mum told me, that if I let her know what would
be good for me to do, it would let her know better what I think is best, so,
I could work on that and be a better person and person to Mimi. “I do
that”, I told her, with confidence and determination. I wasn’t sure what
Mimi would say, and I hadn’t told her what would be best for me, I just told
her what would be good for me to do.
It was a little over three weeks and I didn’t know any of the girls
there, I didn’t know anyone there. I wasn’t even allowed to go for ice cream
every day. “That’s great, Mimi, but I mean, what will we do? I dunno anyone
there, so how will we get on with each other? We didn’t even know each other
well, I was so confused and scared of what I would find. I had no clue that
it would be like I had only got in for three weeks and a short week and a
long week. I was so ignorant. I could not even tell Mimi that she was wrong,
no matter what she did, we always ended up in the same situation, I really
couldn’t face it, I had to force myself to. “Mimi, you know that’s a bad
idea of you”, I said, with absolute certainty, knowing what I was going to
Mimi looked at me, not knowing what to expect. “You know what,
Mimi, I know just the girls that are going to be good for you”, I said
dramatically, with tears in my eyes. Yes, I couldn’t tell Mimi. It took a lot
of strength to say that, in front of someone I have never talked to before.
It took every ounce of courage I had, to tell Mimi that, she was wrong.
Mimi knew how tough it was for me, to say anything, so I didn’t
really expect her to believe me, but I knew that I couldn’t be scared forever.
I had to let the girl I was attracted to know that, she was wrong. I knew she
was right, but I wanted to make sure, that she was right, and I couldn’t do
that, if I only knew, what I might face while I was away. I just couldn’t.
Mimi looked at me, feeling all alone in the world, for the first time. How
could a girl who was a complete stranger, talk to me in the way that I needed
to be talked to? I knew she did, and I knew she wouldn’t give me more
trouble than I already had. “Mimi, I just wanted you to know something, I’m
just a kid; I don’t understand people, I’m not good at making friends, so I
just have to accept that I won’t be friends with you, I have to let you know
that”. I felt like saying, “Oh, Mimi, you’re so wrong. You just don’t
know how many girls just want to find a true friendship with someone like you,
and you can’t be with that person because they don’t know me and don’t know
what I am capable of. You know, sometimes, you have to let someone in, and
then they can know, what you really are. I can’t help what my life is going to
be like, I just have to be the way I am”. And it sounded right.
We had a great time that week, but I know Mimi was sad. I knew, she
was sad. I always had something on my mind, it was just something that wouldn’t
go away. Whenever I went to sleep, I had so many things on my mind, I was
worried and anxious about having a family. I was worried and scared of
dealing with this situation with Mimi. “What if, I’m a failure for letting
you down”. I would remember Mimi telling me just that, and I’d think, “Mimi,
you’re so right”.
The following week I was very excited. “I have made it!