I went to the bathroom to piss but before I turned on the tap, I saw her
sitting in the corner, leaning towards me. Her eyes shone, like a flame. I
didn’t know what to do but she put her hand over mine as soon as I turned
the tap to the other side, and I could not make a move to reach for a bottle.
We continued to stare at each other until I finally turned around, and as I
did, I took a step back. I was scared. I was scared of the unknown, but I
was even more frightened of being with her. But I decided the best thing for
me to do is to move slowly. And just stand where I was, staring at the wall
until she turned away.
The day that went by that I spent with her passed in an endless
bliss. We left the apartment on top of a hill overlooking the city and we
walked down the steep steps side by side like the two perfect goddesses we
were. After we reached the subway we got on and we started to talk. Finally
the time came to go to school.
I sat next to her and for a moment I felt like it was something
strange, like when you saw someone, someone you never thought you’d ever
be able to talk to. I watched her talk to everyone, but I was aware of the
fact that I knew absolutely nothing about her and I felt like I was a little
child all over again. I couldn’t even recognize my own face but I felt like
I was her, the only difference being that everyone was looking at me so I
had to be careful what I said. I sat there for a moment, looking for an
opening, waiting for something to happen, but I could not move. I was afraid
of losing her again, I wanted to touch her, but I didn’t dare.
The moment seemed to last forever. When she turned around, I couldn’t
speak, there was something between us. She held my hand and I sat there.
“I’ll see you later.” I nodded, I did not want to move, because it seemed
like I was stuck in some bizarre movie. I watched her walk away without even
glancing my way and was suddenly aware that I had not said goodbye to her.
I never saw her again. We never talked about her after that. We were
always careful not to talk, she didn’t know what her own mind was like, I
didn’t want to frighten her. She didn’t think she could live a day without
me and I accepted that. I sat there the whole school day for fear that she
had forgotten me, I was afraid she would leave.
But she didn’t. She sat beside me all the way to the end and I sat
there the whole day in silence and I felt like I was waiting for a train. I
sensed someone watching me but I didn’t dare look up. I watched her as she
walked down the hill. After she left, I sat there alone at the top of the
hill, holding my heart, and I stared at the city and imagined that it was
the city I saw every day. I smiled, smiling at the beautiful woman who sat
by my side on the hill for the day.
I was walking home when I heard it, the sound of water flowing. I turned
around, and in front of me my friend was running. “What’s up man?” I
asked. “Nothing, come on!” he cried. “Do you know where the bathroom is?”
He came towards me and I saw he was running away. I stopped and turned to
face him, and he smiled and I just grabbed his shirt and started to cry.
That day was my first day of university. I walked along with my friends
to our dorm, trying to convince him to go to the library with me. Finally he
let me kiss him goodnight and promised to go.
When I got to the library, I walked in and saw a line of people that
stretched until the door. Then I saw her. I walked up to her, and at first
she was like I was going to touch her, and I thought I would go crazy if
she would let me touch her. As I got closer, I felt like I was running.
“Where do I get in?” I didn’t know where and I felt like someone
was watching me. “Go ahead.” I tried to get in. “Please help me.” “What?”
I asked. She looked around her, but there wasn’t a sign she knew I was
there. I tried to speak but couldn’t form words. “What’s going on?”
I asked but she just smiled at me, and I understood. Everyone was looking at
me now. I started to panic, but at the same time I became more curious.
I walked toward her, I could feel her staring at me and I was
desperate to hold her hand. Suddenly she grabbed it. “I’m sorry.” I said.
“Why?” “Because I was wrong at the bank.” I nodded and tried to
believe her. “I didn’t see a chance. I wanted to believe in you again,”
she said. “When I got rejected from acting, my friends thought it was a
sign from heaven. You said it can happen.” “What can happen?” I asked.
But she didn’t answer me. She walked through the door, without a word, and
I was standing there with my heart in my mouth.
The next day I walked home, wondering what had happened to her, why she
had just left me. She told me everything was fine, she was going to study
at Columbia and her father was going to help her. I thought maybe she meant
that she would go to Columbia and I don’t need her father; but that wasn’t
the case. Her father was going to go to jail, and he never helped anyone in
his life, he would help those who helped him.